Proof of how much of a moron I actually am

I am having one of the worst days... ever. I decided this at 7:15am, which is not a good sign. I'm pretty sure karma is out to get me, although I haven't quite figured out why. Maybe that'll come later.

Over the weekend I managed to lose a ring that Cop gave me several years ago. It was white gold and had a diamond surrounded by two deep blue stones, I'm not sure what they were, but blue is my favorite color. On top of the niceness of the ring, Cop designed it himself, which has left me feeling completely guilty and shitty for losing it in the first place. Normally, I only take rings off for two reasons: if I put lotion on or if my hands are wet. Sometimes I'll take them off and leave them somewhere for a little while, but I have two, and if they're together, it usually means I just forgot to put them back on. This time, however, I realized I didn't have my ring on when I was in the shower, and the other one.. which only costs like $10 and although I like it, I would have felt a lot less shitty if I lost it instead... was still on my other hand. Not good.
So I spent the majority of Sunday looking for it around the house, but for the life of me, I can't remember when I had it on last, so I have no idea where it could be. I'm thinking either Stink ate it or its in a drain somewhere, but I'm still hoping its stuck in some stupid place where I'll find it and tell myself how much of a dumbass I really am.

So that wasn't actually the point of this post. The point was my shitty day. The losing of the ring just made me feel so much more guilty and retarded with what happened this morning.

Here it goes...

I showered yesterday and took off my new necklace that the Cop gave me for Christmas. It is one of those pretty (and expensive) Kay necklaces. The only reason I took it off was because I was talking to a co-worker the other day that said "you should never wear necklaces in the shower or when you're sleeping because it breaks them faster". Well guess what? She was wrong. It broke a lot fucking faster!! This morning the Cop jumped in the shower so I quickly jumped out of the bathroom so my hair wouldn't curl. I grabbed my makeup bag and necklace so I could finish getting ready for work in the spare bedroom. Upon entering the said bedroom, I put my makeup down on the desk, which made the necklace fall out of my hand and into the paper shredder. Yes, the paper shredder. Yes, INTO it. So there I was saying, "oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!" to myself and trying to assess the situation. I assessed the situation HORRIBLY! I thought, if I grabbed the necklace part that I could quickly pull it out of the metal necklace killer without any harm done.

Nope.

Instead, the goddamn mother fucking piece of crap shredder TURNED ON and completely swallowed my necklace. At this point I nearly shit myself, and thought, for a brief second, of throwing my face into the shredder just for shits and giggles. I prayed to everything Holy that the necklace (or should I say the diamond pendant part) just fell through the cracks without any damage.

Nope.

The first piece of necklace I found was a crushed and empty mounty thing. No diamond. At this point I started crying. Because, well, what else was I going to do? I dumped half of the shreds of paper on the floor (did I mention the shredder was full?) and started sifting through the tiny scraps of paper. I managed to find three out of the four diamonds, all of which were still in their little claspy mounty things, but the others are still unaccounted for. This all happened at 6:30 in the morning, so I only had a limited time to search. I threw Stink out of the room, put everything back into the container, and shut the door to the room.

This shit only really happens to me. Who else would, in their right mind, try to grab something out of a thing that can cause a vast amount of damage in such a little time without UNPLUGGING it first?! I've been at work for 2 and a half hours and cannot stop kicking myself in the ass. I feel terrible... and retarded. Yeah, pretty fucking retarded.

So, guess what I'm doing after work today?

Meh.